Picky eaters

The new normal: family meals Mealtimes are an opportunity for your toddler to test boundaries and assert their own choices – which can make for very messy eating. Even so, you should try to eat with your toddler as often as you can. That means pulling his high chair up to the table and serving him smaller portions of whatever you’re eating. Have your toddler carry placemats to the table and be an active participant in the meal activity. Encourage them to stand up at the bench to help “prepare” meals. Arranging food on the plate to look like a smiley face or a number can help them learn and feel more included. Children learn by example, so if they see you eating a variety of foods, they are more likely to do so too. Research shows that children who eat with their families are likely to consume a wider range of foods with an increased intake of fruits and vegetables and are more likely to have higher nutrient intakes.

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Researchers have identified a handful of reasons children are so picky about their eating. These issues relate to young children and older children alike. Such challenges include:

• Actual food preferences. Believe it or not, our children really don’t like some foods, and they really DO like other foods. Sometimes we can forget that we all feel like that about certain foods, regardless of their nutritional value.
• Wanting to be in control. At around 18-months of age, our children start to discover that they can be in charge. They like this! Food is an arena they often feel they can exert their newfound sense of control, and they exploit this feeling, often to their parent’s distress. When children feel a lack of control, they often find ways to become the authority in their lives. Food refusal not only provides that feeling of control, it is also rewarding because parents either give in and offer their child alternative foods (that usually possess lower nutritional value) or they give them lots of attention.
• Lack of boundaries and expectations. When a child creates a fuss over food, parents experience a tension between trying to placate their child (no one wants screaming children at mealtime – or any time really) and trying to encourage eating. Whether it’s a food that has been presented many times or experimentation with new foods, picky eaters know that causing a fuss is likely to lead to the reward of not having to eat something they don’t want. They may even receive what they do want. In the case of food with low nutritional value, this is a concern. While parents must be mindful of food preferences, setting boundaries and expectations is crucial, but it must be done is such a way that it does not disempower the child by trampling their autonomy.
• Lack of routine. Studies show that families with fewer routines around mealtime are more likely to experience fussiness in their children. These routines could include everything from a specific time and place for a meal to be served, and even practices such as saying grace/giving thanks for a meal, or having a specific seat for the child, or even a habitual way of serving food.
• Mealtime stress. If mealtime is too busy or too stressful, young children may associate meals with unhappiness. Mealtimes where parents or children are eating in a rush or are not eating together at all leave children with poor models for how to enjoy good food. Sometimes families might come together for a meal and end up experiencing conflict (either between parents, or between children and a parent). The stress associated with these interactions (including stress created by picky eating) could lead to negative associations with food and mealtime and leave them disinterested in food options or eating with family.
• Sensory issues and sensitivities. Children may also be picky because of food sensitivities, non-typical development (children on the autism spectrum may be rigid in their eating patterns, or have sensory issues around food), flavours and textures, lack of familiarity with a new food, or even a medical issue (like food allergies or reflux) that parents may be unaware of.
• Emotional moments. Even if it is unrelated to the food on their plate, children who are brought to the table for a meal when they are too tired, too hungry, too stressed, too angry, or too emotional are unlikely to eat. If we choose an unhelpful response (either because we are so tired ourselves, or because our best intentions work out poorly), our children may learn to associate negative emotions with meals, or they may learn that they will be rewarded when they have big emotions at mealtimes.
• Picky examples. We may not know it but sometimes our own food habits can provide a model for picky eating in our children. If Dad complains that he doesn’t like greens, or if Mum makes a fuss about not enjoying mince (even in spaghetti bolognese!) our children may learn to be vocal about their preferences, and do as we do – even to the point of refusing to eat foods they find disagreeable. Big brothers and sisters might also model fussiness. While it is normal and reasonable for people to have preferences, we should also model a willingness to eat foods we may not be completely fond of from time to time.
• Food neophobia. Neo means new. Phobia means fear. If someone is a food neophobe, they are afraid of eating new foods. Picky eaters typically avoid foods that are unfamiliar, but this can extend so they may become so narrow in their preferences that they avoid any foods that are unfamiliar to them as well. Food neophobia involves not just an unwillingness to try new foods, but an actual fear of new foods that can be sufficiently distressing that they will avoid meal times, and even avoid situations where food is available that is unfamiliar. Food neophobes are most likely to be found on the autism spectrum due to rigid preferences and unwillingness to try unfamiliar things. Research shows that avoidance only fuels the anxiety associated with food neophobia. Careful work with a healthcare professional is typically suggested in these cases.

However, it is worth recognising that while most young children don’t meet clinical criteria for food neophobia, their fussiness can feel like it. Most toddlers will grow out of their fussiness (or even neophobia) if they see people around them enjoying a wide variety of foods. Phew! No wonder parents find picky eating one of the trickiest challenges they deal with! You might be interested in

• Your child’s appetite is unique, and could vary periodically or even day to day.
• Make mealtimes a positive shared experience so you can model healthy eating habits.
• Using food as an incentive can still make healthy eating become a chore. Instead, make healthy eating fun and involve your child in the cooking process where possible.

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Make meal times a happy time – let your child feed themselves, explore their food and decide when they’ve had enough.

• Turn off the TV and other devices to avoid distractions and allow for social engagement.
• Try to avoid having snacks too close to a meal time to make sure your child is hungry – aim for a routine of three main meals and 2-3 snacks each day.
• Get the kids involved in meal times – often when they’re involved in preparing a meal, like stirring a pot, cracking an egg or tossing a salad, they’re more likely to eat it.
• Always put familiar foods on their plate, then just one new food. Don’t overcrowd their plate.
• Give your child a family meal but in a portion suitable for them.
• Keep it to four or five different foods per meal.
• Make meals healthy by choosing a variety of foods from the five food groups (dairy, fruit, vegetables and legumes, lean proteins and grains). If a food is refused, just keep offering it – it might take 10-15 times before they even have a taste.
• Make the food fun – cut it into shapes, give them names, serve them on a plate or in bowls of the child’s favourite characters. Ignore picky food behaviours – the attention from it or your reaction is likely to exacerbate the behaviour.
• Be a good role model – serve a family meal offering the same foods to your child so they can see you like healthy food and are willing to try new foods. It might be tempting but never force your child to eat a food.
• Try not to stress about the mess! The more anxious you are, the more likely your child will have more picky eating behaviours.
• Avoid using food as a reward for eating another food – for example rewarding with ice-cream when they’ve eaten some broccoli.
• Praise your child when they try a new food or eat a decent serve of their food. Set a time limit for the meal (20 minutes is a good guide) – children show clear signs they’ve had enough to eat so keep an eye out for them.
• After that time, take the food away and offer no more until the next meal or snack time. If you have any concerns about your child’s picky eating, check with your healthcare professional.

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Sometimes, it seems like your toddler isn’t eating anything! Keep a record of everything your toddler eats for a week – you may see that they’re getting more variety than you thought. If they’re not, then their fussy eating may point to a deeper issue. For example, your toddler may not like the sensation of food, they may have anxieties about eating, or they may have a medical issue that puts them off their food. If you are worried that your toddler’s nutritional intake is affecting their health, or the picky eating phase is extended, you should talk to your doctor or health professional.

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Mealtime can get complicated when you have a fussy eater at the dining table, but there are ways to tackle it. After all, it’s vital that your child is getting essential nutrients they need to support their growth.The first thing to keep in mind is that offering as much variety as possible in their diet prevents fussy eating later on. If you do find yourself with a fussy one, try these tips:

1. The same food in different ways

Peeled, chopped, cooked or mashed. Prepare carrots, potatoes and all kinds of vegetables in interesting ways. The variety in texture and flavour can make a big difference.

2. Make meals fun and colourful

Create a rainbow of fruits and vegetables. Get creative with orange sweet potato, green broccoli, red tomatoes, purple carrots and more!

3. Eat meals together

Children follow by example, and they enjoy your company. They are more likely to eat if you are sitting with them eating your meal too.

4. Start small

Start with small portions first. They’re less daunting. If your child is enjoying the meal and is still hungry, add more.

5. Keep calm and keep trying

If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. If your toddler rejects a particular food, try again on a different day. Or mix food they love with a food they’re not too keen on. You might be interested in

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For some toddlers, refusing food is a means of asserting independence as it’s one of the very select things within their control. Little ones are also constantly being stimulated with new experiences. A new food might just be too overwhelming for a toddler who’s had a big day. Other reasons for food fussiness include:

• Feeling unwell
• Having a diminished appetite
• Being full from an earlier meal
• Feeling anxious or upset
• Disliking a food’s texture

Remember, patience and perseverance are key. It can take being offered the same food up to ten times before a toddler decides they like it. You’ll both get there – eventually. You might be interested in

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